dream of a disco

As some of you may already know, music pioneer, humanitarian/activist, and co-founder of West End Records, Mel Cheren passed away on Friday, December 7, 2007. A memorial tribute is being planned around his birthday, January 21, 2008, so stay tuned.

Mel also agreed to do an interview for Logo network to discuss his HIV status openly. In this interview, Mel is brutally honest, but the message is clear: PROTECT YOURSELF AND GET TESTED REGULARLY NO MATTER WHAT AGE YOU ARE!

West End Records gave us some of the best disco and soul music the dance community has ever heard. His loss will be greatly felt by all those who continue to spin, listen, and dance to the music he made possible.

Mel Cheren's Last Interview (CBS News on Logoonline.com)

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sniff me out like i was tanqueray

Words can no longer express my love of Amy Winehouse. Dlisted posted this clip of one of her recent shows in Zurich. While her band and singers put on a merry little show, she seems to be rummaging through her beehive steady digging for a minute before finding her coke bullet. Then she pulls her sleeve over it and does a bump trying to pass it off like she was wiping her nose. Someone give her a reality show pleeease!!!

vs.

Jeans Team-Keine Melodien


vs.

Peaches-Keine Melodien

confessions on a dancefloor

I want to start this post by saying, I have never up to this point liked Britney Spears.

With that being said I can't get through the new album without getting a big ass smile on my face. This is mainly do to the fact that im not only listening to a Britney Spears album but i actually like it. Which i can accept but for some reason i feel the need to defend the fact that i really like the album. i'll quote my friend pat "Just cause I like it doesn't make it good"...hahaha. That about sums it up. The truth is its not all that hard to swallow for 2 reasons.

1)i have a soft spots for walking messes.(Courtney Love, Lohan post-disney pre rehab, Amy Winehouse, Tara Reid , Winona Ryder) I mean the girl can't sing for shit, the only live performance shes done this far was so half ass she seemed half asleep, and finally did enough shit to get rid of the kids she seemed to not really want. She's basically a coked up whore and yet she still gets paid and still manages to have a hit record....i mean how can i not respect that just a litte?

2)i've always been a sucker for the underdog.


In all seriousness its just pop music. So why all the shame i'm feeling? haha. Besides i have a long history with cheesy pop bitches who cant really sing for shit but i love anyways. I'll leave you with a little Mp3 timeline of my favorite shall we say...vocally challenged icons and put my self on blast one more time

....If she tours i am seriously gonna go. Partly cause i like the album and partly cause i wanna see what that mess is gonna try and pull off half drunk. God sometimes i even shock myself?


Downloads:

Radar-Britney Spears...take note ladies, if you can't sing just synth out your voice till it gives it a "futuristic" sound. Dance artists have been doing it for years.

Cassie-Miss your touch...i have no idea why i enjoy her so much but i seriously do.

Dannii Minogue-Baby Love...ok so maybe shes not completly talentless, but i just love this song

Janet Jackson-When i think of you....yeah yeah yeah, she may not be talentless either but she treads close

Lisa Lisa and the cult jam-I wonder if i take you home....even though her voice is annoying i am still drawn to any dancefloor that will spin this record

France Joli-Come to me...i love how she tries to hit the high notes despite that fact that she clearly doesnt have the vocal capacity

Diana Ross-Love Hangover...dont get me wrong i love this bitch but a talented singer she is not

vs.

I came across the video of the day and its only 10:30....hopefully thats a good sign. Anyways it got me to thinking about cover songs that are better than the original, i'm not saying this is the case here, but you do have to love the cowprint and choreography.


Selena's version

vs.


Original version

Time goes by so loli

words cant describe this video.....simply amazing is all i can say

I know I'm wrong and right

So its been a hot minute since i've written anything in here. I've been busy, lots going on...moving blahblahblah. Anyways just thought i'd finally check up on you all and post a little something, Yes work is that dull today. The other day i was wathing MTV(a new luxury while in my transitional stage) and was surprised at some of the videos they were playing. It seems as though the underground is peeking its head out and feeling its way around the pop landscape. Not to say that MTV is supporting anything even remotly interesting but i am noticing a definite influence which i think has more to do with the current state of the record industry than the want to promote anything worthwhile. Either way i did notice that while alot of mainstream "rock and pop" music has had a slight turn towards self production and a semi DIY ethic, the world of hip-hop seems to be going the oppisite direction. Seeing people like Kanye at the forefront riding on some sort of guise of independent thought makes me sad that the people that are doing it different, blazing a new path are often not really acknowleged as much. While i'm a big fan of hip hop i find that most of it i dont buy based on the simple fact that i cant relate to it. It seems odd that having grown up in the same "inner city" enviroment that alot of these rappers say they are portraying, i stil don't respond to about 70% of it.

One exception to the game is my girl Jean Grae. A huge part of the reason im a huge fan is the things she speaks about in her songs. There is no label dropping, there is no bragging about a lifestyle many of her fans will never know. Instead she speaks about being broke, being drunk, and being a bit of a work in progress. It's hard to believe that Jean Grae is poor, but she is, and will usually be the first to admit it. Near-poverty is a reality for a lot of struggling rappers, something the general public is largely unaware of. Says Grae, "I was reading some Web site the other day about how artists like Jean Grae can still live comfortably making $70,000 a year, and I was like, 'Whoa...is this the other Jean Grae?...because I want to make $70,000 a year!'"

"I want a chance to play," Grae continues, "I just want a chance to play on my own terms." This independence and refusal to compromise, while admirable, may be the reason why she has yet to experience the fruits of labor one would expect a person with such immense talent would already have. "It's not like I'm choosing to go left," she explains. "I just don't know how to do the formula. I honestly don't know. If I could do it, I probably would be, but I just don't know how."

She also expresses an understanding that like punk, and dance music it isnt always about lyrical/musical talent. "I definitely understand that it's easier to love celebrity and love the life," she states. "That's sort of an illusion of what your life could be, and that's what sells...that's what drives. If I were living a different lifestyle, I might be talking about that. Since I'm not, I have to talk about what I know."

Here are the lyrics and Mp3's of some songs that i've been listening too alot. Both of these i love maining for the lyrical content. The first song "dont rush me'(which is off her album "this week") discusses how a knowlege of self can be the antidote to all the insecurities the world can ignite indside of you. The second "You, Me, All of us" talks about social conciousness, about realizing your part in the process towards working towards a solution. I feel the message of the song is that the best you can do to help things progress and move foward is to keep to your path, to your truth, kinda linking back to the first track. Hope you enjoy the tracks...go down to the bottom to download...peace bitches.



Dont Rush Me-Jean Grae

[Intro]
...Sometimes you got to get to know yourself
You gotta travel a little bit
Look at yourself from another perspective
So I try to do that
Come on

[Verse 1]
Listen, there's nothing like knowin' yourself
Like the way I know that smokin's kind of broken my health
Like the way I know my flow don't make appropriate wealth
I can't change that
But funny I'm sayin' that when it's money I'm aimed at
I give a fuck if you frame that or quote it (shit)
I meant what I said cuz I wrote it, point noted
I know I'm overly sensitive when it comes to, well
Just about everything
And I'm so hardheaded, I don't need your help
Like no advice for these records 'less it's me, myself
Like I don't ever want to breathe if it requires assistance
Just, just shut down my system
I'm a victim of choosin' bad love, bad luck Lucy
Every man touched seems to be a doozy and plus
I'm attached to this looseleaf, stand on my two feet
So it's hard enough to even have to physically move me
Go ahead, try

[Hook]
I know I'm on the right path
To who I'm gonna be at last
Don't rush me nigga
I know I'm wrong and right
At the same time, both I'm the dark and light
And they say life needs everything to live
At the same time I got everything to give
Just don't rush me
Don't rush me

[Verse 2]
I gotta be more disciplined
I'm listenin' more to straight logic
Blockin' random shit that's driftin' in
Age is a motherfucker (damn right)
Find myself starin' at the little kids
Thinkin' "I can beat 'em like a stepmother"
Creepin' on a come up at thirty soon
But lookin' twenty ooh
The food catches up to you now plenty
Attendin' christenin's of my best friend's children
And then askin' who's next
And I'm wishin' for six more wishes for Christmas or
Kids on the wish list
Or time machines to be in existence
I'm a team player, not
The dry wit is similar to Arizona weather
Say it, nigga, hot
Patent leather sole, tappin' at my bowl
If the album's not platinum then I'll have to rack a gold
This rappin' ain't for nothin'
Unless I hold plaques so I can sit up on a boat like Colin, roll that
And you know that

[Hook]
I know I'm on the right path
To who I'm gonna be at last
Don't rush me nigga
I know I'm wrong and right
At the same time, both I'm the dark and light
And they say life needs everything to live
At the same time I got everything to give
Just don't rush me
Don't rush me

[Verse 3]
See this here is the most serious that I've ever been
The most clear headed
My gear fetish clearly needs an accountant
So if I need I'll smoke 'em all like Dennis Leary in a mountain
Beef's great though, thanks for addin' more insecurities
Just as I was findin' my level of maturity
Just as I was mindin' my business
Tried to murder Jean's confidence
But lucky for me, you're all incompetent
Road block in this, yes
I see him try to put a stop to my obnoxiousness but
I stay long winded like sayin' George Papadopoulous
I know but I write from this heart with this
So I've got some things to work on
My moodiness like masturbation gets its jerk on
My fascination with the fast pace
Money's encapsulated in my mind space like what a thrill
Past dated and I know I'm not in last place
But it's hard to work through it with this masked face
And maskin' tape on all the windows keeps the cold out
And everytime I'm layin' down my back breaks because it's old now
I yell too much, get stressed too quick
But the best thing about it, I can change that shit
And still remain who I came down to Earth to be
It's not Jean Grae, that's just a name, you'll see

[Hook]
I know I'm on the right path
To who I'm gonna be at last
Don't rush me nigga
I know I'm wrong and right
At the same time, both I'm the dark and light
And they say life needs everything to live
At the same time I got everything to give
Just don't rush me
Don't rush me




You, Me, All of us-Jean Grae

[Hook]
[You] Gotta get your damn hand up
[Me] Must keep on giving my all until
[All of us] Got it locked for real, and stay strong till the truths revealed
Keep on my niggas...

[You] Gotta get your paper tight
[Me] Gotta get my paper right until
[All of us] Then invest get it back, stay flippin it, they doin it
Heads up nigga...

[You] Stay maintaining this rock
[Me] Must speak truth, every drop
[All of us] Still stay running from the cops
ya'll know aint nothing changed much...

[You] Gotta know who you are and
[Me] Must take this further man till one day
[All of us] We can all stand strong together
and no man is ???, no not ever

[Verse]
I see the responsibility
I'm clever-er than most others
don't smother, these bars
I don't clutter it with garbage
Won't mutter it unless its simply marvelous
Ang i need to know im a part of this
Rennisance-Shift over the marketin
Wont bother me, hardly
My mind, since back to starvin
Part partial to startin
Huge riots started by new br(i)-ats
Move out the way biatch or end up in triage
We got more this year
Severe rain increased the flame
Little bit highter
So fire slips out the frame
Untill i retire, thats never
yall can remain ambivalent
Cause from this point nothings changed the sentiment
Quitting is now just hard to say like cinnamon


[Hook]
[You] Gotta know when its time to stand up
[Me] Must keep everybody crunk
[All of us] Must speak when want, don't sleep its important
Trust i wouldnt lie to ya

[You] Must get your hands in the sky
[Me] Will keep this party live until
[All of us] Fall out
Now its time for some of yall to get called out

[Verse]
I gotta build every record, keep reachin
Lover of free speech
Fucker of these beats
Bubbling names
Struggle fame made stronger by
Ducking our aim
Sucking pain
I'll bomb your chain
Right off your torso, and also
Disconnect your neck from your poor throat for
Tryin to take mine
Glory and my shine
You'll get floored till your pourin it south
beyond permanant pause at the coroners house
Time is the case
And i'm on a fine pace
In a line so proper from my momma i'm laced
And my pockets got poppin
but i'm on the paper chase
And i don't fuck around, you better shut your mouth
Till me, spill rounds, all us running out
I've got a cunning mouth
You got a cunt in yours
i'm out

[Hook]
[You] Gotta get your damn hand up
[Me] Must keep on giving my all until
[All of us] Got it locked for real, and stay strong till the truths revealed
Keep on my niggas...

[You] Gotta get your paper tight
[Me] Gotta get my paper right until
[All of us] Then invest get it back, stay flippin it, they doin it
Heads up nigga...

[You] Stay maintaining this rock
[Me] Must speak truth, every drop
[All of us] Still stay running from the cops
ya'll know aint nothing changed much...



Dont Rush Me MP3-Jean Grae

You, Me, All of us MP3-Jean Grae

when you are not a girl nobody buys you flowers

Been awhile since i posted anything new so i decided to post a little something. This past weekend turned out to be more expensive and fun that i anticipated. Went to see Dj Colette at Deep on Sunday night, very awesome. I'll be sure and post something about her later in the week but today i was really excited to discover Emilie Simon. One of the more obvious comparisons I've been reading about is bjork but i think more on a visual level that a sonic one. I actually had never heard of her but while at amoeba this past weekend the CD cover caught my eye(the picture above). I think maybe a staff member had recommended it so they had placed a little card with a brief description of the album, They used the words "creepy lullabies" and "Nordic but sung in french and English" so i read on, once i saw she covered "i wanna be your dog" i was sold. Best discovery of the month. Here are some videos and a couple of songs to download. enjoy bitches!!!


Emilie Simon - Dame de Lotus


Emilie Simon - Fleur de Saison


Emilie Simon - Flowers


Emilie Simon - I Wanna Be Your Dog


Downloads:

Emilie Simon-I Wanna Be Your Dog

Emilie Simon-Dame de Lotus

Emilie Simon-Fleur de Saison

Emilie Simon-Song of the Storm

POPlife

Beacuse i've recently shut off my cable i have turned to blogs as a replacement for E!. My favorite being d-listed. I don't know what it is about perez hilton(ok yes i do its, his hair and the fact that i see him at too many god damn shows) but i just really can't handle his blog. Anyways, this guy is just as bitchy and doesn't have hair like someone from the jetsons. It's just another way to pass time at work, but something i saw this morning completely shocked me. Now i thought lauryn hill was laying low now adays but apparently shes not...why this bitch isnt all across the covers of people and us weekly is beyond me. This is what my boy from d-listed had to say:

"Ronald McDonald's secret love child is that you? No, it's Lauryn Hill! Seriously, Lauryn doesn't give a fuck! Or maybe she does and that's why she put this heinous outfit together. I'm into it though. I can handle the crazy. Someone really needs to give this woman her own reality show STAT."

I couldn't agree more. i'd actually consider turning my cable back on if she got her own show.

i am no good for you

i just saw this video for sia's new single and i am absolutely loving this shit. The song is great, yes, but the video is fucken genius. It reminds me more of her first album tittled "healing is difficult" that wasnt realesed in the US. I'm sure by now it's a little easier to find but it came out a little before her single "destiny" with zero 7 blew the fuck up. That whole album made me fall in love with her. Majority of the songs are about being fucked up or breaking up with someone whos fucked up. "breathe me" was a great single and an amazing song but i kinda felt like i wanted the sia i fell in love with back. Hopefully this song is some kinda of indication that she is. Here's a couple of songs from the first album. Enjoy...if you want.

So it seeems the assholes at Universal have restricted embedding the video so here is a link and the live version
Sia-Buttons Video



Get me-Sia

I'm not important MP3-Sia

Healing is Difficult-Sia

don't forget your on your own

Lately I've been getting really bored with dance music in general. Seems everyone is forgoing vocals for a repetitive "vocal sample" that is synthesized and distorted. Yesterday i decided to come to work early and work a little overtime, after the first couple of hours i was already looking for diversions when i stumbled across Marsheaux. They kinda remind me of client. Not just for the obvious reason, i mean yes they are two hot girls playing catchy synth pop music but with titles like "dream of a disco" and "what a lovely surprise"...i had a sense that i was gonna love them. Once i heard the cover of promise i was sold...that song has always been able somehow transport me back to high school for some reason. Love it. Repping a label i have never heard(Undo Records), they apparently have 2 albums both available for purchase on their myspace. I am so getting my hands on a copy fo sho'....way to excited about finding this band. To top things off when i came in to work today(another early day) Cheri sent me links to their videos on youtube. Watch and cream boys.



hanging on



Popcorn



pure

Another great find yesterday is the band Itenef. Big up s to fucken Greece for beings so god damn sexy. These guys have more of a history in the electronic music world. before becoming Itenef the went by the name Trance 95 in the mid 80's. Drawing less from bands like Soft Cell and Depeche Mode, they sound more like a really sexy Kraftwerk or a more human Cabaret Voltaire. I wasn't able to find any videos other than one they released while still trance 95.



Desire to desire 88

So with all that said i guess my love of synth pop will never die. Guess I'll just anxiously await a time when people realize pop doesn't have to mean devoid of emotion and depth. I'll end with my absolute favorite synth pop band of all time SOVIET. i would have this mans babies if it were possible. Love at first listen for me.



breakdown


Soviet-Breakdown mp3. in case you wanna download it. Peace bitches

time has come today

The time has finally come, as some of you that know me know that i have been waiting for these bitches to announce the LA date for the upcoming MIA tour. I finally got word yesterday and immediately bought my ticket...should have bought 2 but wasn't thinking thru all the excitement and blood rushing to my head. If you hadn't heard she is touring with some amazing talent. First off my girl Santi White who has since the breakup of her band Stiffed has started a solo project. I have heard the word MC being thrown around and while that is kinda accurate Santogold is so much more than that. Almost sounding like a completely different band she is moving into the world of dance music. The first time i heard it i thought it was very M.I.A.-esqe but alot of the songs switch up musical styles from dancehall, to indie pop and hip hop. Seriously i may be even slightly more excited to see her seeing as how i was never able to catch stiffed while they were together. Either way she was a perfect choice for a opening act. I'm assuming Amanda Blank will go on first seeing as she has the least amount of exposure as of yet. She is someone i would consider more along the lines of an MC but equally as brilliant of a choice for an opening act. The 3 women represent a new school of DIY genre-hopping artists. They will be at the echoplex in echo park on the 30th. I'm hoping to get there as early as possible to not miss any of these 3. If you haven't gotten tickets yet there may still be some available online but i did hear that they would also have some at the door the night of the event.

Also on a completely different topic I was chatting with my girl Cheri talking about what the fuck they're putting in baby formula now adays. Seems kids are not only hotter and seem more grown faster but they are also more in the know then alot of people my age. Its crazy, I attribute it to the internet. I mean yes, it was available when we were younger but not used by so many people as today. You can really know just about everything going on in the underground if you have the time to look...and who has more free time then teenage kids so i guess it makes perfect sense. Anyways 2 notable teens doing the damn thing i found online today are rye rye a 16 year old rapper/dancer out of Baltimore,MD. Check out the song "shake it to the ground" and "reasons"....bitch straight sampled earth, wind and fire. If that's not impressive for a 16 year old girl i don't know what is. Just take a look at her musical influences and you get an idea of what I'm talking about. While on her page i got linked to Makrophone another kid not even old enough to buy tobacco related products. Check out his remixes of Pull up the people by MIA and Brooklyn Lovin' by the late great Biggie. Seriously me and cheri were both creaming over the MIA remixes and I'm usually not a big fan of remixes but he did a great job. The thing is it isn't over done...he's not shoving his hipness down our already over stuffed throats. I was just impressed at the amount of talent and the knowledge of music these kids have seemed to posses at such a young age. Makes me feel like i wasted my teen years obsessing over Tori Amos B-sides. haha. Peace out heffas.

so ready to surrender

Here we go. So it's been quite sometime since i have posted anything. No particular reason just have been going thru alot lately. Nothing life changing...well not exactly. I just mean its not that i have alot going on around me, just inside. So far 26 has brought a big shift in the way i look at things, myself, and the people around me. For the first time in my life i feel the burn from sticking my hands straight into the fire, in other words.....time to face the consequences of my actions. It amazes me the shit i was getting away with when i think back just a few short months ago, the way i was able to completely alter my reality. I had a few major wake up calls that i wont get into but the product of all my mindless selfish behavior has been to big to ignore. The biggest outcome has been the fact that i have made the decision to leave silverlake behind me and move to Long beach(my old stomping grounds....he he). I'm not unhappy with the decision, its just the way that it happened really shook me up....or rather woke me up.

So with all that madness going on i really had sometime to rethink my life. My future.....ha ha, may even have been a first for me. I really have made some decisions to change and have some goals I'd like to reach, both short and long term. A big part of this, maybe the word big gives it to much credit, but a part of this has been brought on by someone i have met. I guess to an extent we are in some sort of relationship although its not the typical definition of a "boyfriend", but i am for the first time very happy with my choice to keep focus on this one man. It hasn't been all easy, but it was or is no where near as difficult as i once imagined. He is in no way the type of person i thought i would end up being serious about. I don't even really think its him exactly, there were alot of things like i said that happened prior to us meeting that had shifted my path. I just think he gave me a reason to do it without fear of judgement.

So without getting to detailed i am very happy with the changes taking place inside me. As you can probably imagine this does certainly change my story. I no longer want to relate to the person i was writing about. I mean the whole idea behind my story was this kid running around in a place that almost applauded his awful behavior. I wanted him to get through it severely damaged but the same person, the point was that life doesn't judge or punish much like the way i imagine god. I can see now that that was me, running around with my eyes closed secretly hoping i didn't hit anything....too hard. To the outside world it may have seemed i was being careless or even worse just didn't care. But truthfully i had weighed my options, and faced my consequences in advance. I had already prepared and sort of mentally buried myself. I was just waiting for the physical world to catch me if it could, all i had been doing for the past couple of years was running. Not towards or from anything, but just sorta living in fast forward. Why? i cant really be sure but i am now to tired to keep the same pace.

My friend Wendy once gave me this book for my birthday a long time ago. Just a blank book but she had cut out images and put in quotes and stuff. Probably one of the greatest gifts i have ever received. Well anyways, there was this one quote that has stayed with me all these years later. It said "the key to happiness is learning to let go". Now that may sound pretty fortune cookie to most but at the time it struck me really hard. I imagine cause at that time i was really unhappy with myself. So i almost perfected the art of letting go...of starting over. I found that book a couple of weeks ago and it hit me just as hard as the first time that i had totally misunderstood it. Well maybe i had gotten it but just a very small part. I had taught and convinced myself that if i never really thought of anything as mine it wouldn't hurt to loose it. So i lived a long time in that mind frame. I learned to let it all go, money, relationships, people, actions. The thing was i was only thinking of things in the physical sense. Now as i stand before this new person in my life and admit for the first time not wanting to let it go, i feel that maybe the person who was being quoted meant it more in terms of letting go of yourself, of your pride, of fears. This is a big thing for me now, to not look back or worry what happens next. To just let it all go and fall towards something instead of away. Maybe again, this all sounds very simple but fuck it...i'm a simple guy.

I do promise to try write more often on here for any of you that have been periodically checking. The content may be a little less exciting but i still do very much wanna start getting this story out of me. The shape of it has altered dramatically but its still itching to get out. I'm not even sure how exactly all this will lend itself to what I'm writing but i know that it will. I had this idea that i wanted the story to be if i was thinking of it in a visual sense more like porn that a movie. Haha...yeah like really well written artsy porn. I still in a way imagine it that way but, well we'll see what happens. Ultimately my charachter is more like a vessel than a person, just a container, he is transparent and open. To him there is no right or wrong, only truth and lies. To him the future is a concept not a guarantee. That is something i still honestly believe.

whats your man got to do with me?

I promised i would write out what had happened to me a couple of nights ago. Now first off this pattern i have been falling into recently of meeting guys with boyfriends doesn't seem to be changing at all. As a matter of fact another one just told me last night. Has a boyfriend in San Fransisco. Its funny how guys can suddenly out of nowhere get a conscience, just like that. Now there has been no pressure on my end and i certainly didn't do anything that would lead them to believe i was after any sort of real relationship, friendship with benefits, probably. Either way i can't shake the feeling I'm paying off some bad karma, now the question is what is it i have to change in order to restore balance. If it happened once or twice, no big deal, coincidence most likely. But i think I'm about hit the 6 point mark soon. Again I'm not one to complain or even care but 5 in a row kinda concerns me. Am i wrong to feel so?

Anyways back to the point. So i believe it was Monday night i decide, just having had a whole day off to recover from pride, to go out and have a drink and possibly.....well i was open for something to happen. Usually when i go out alone or with the intention to hookup i try not to talk to anyone for to long. If I'm not immediately interested i just walk away after the first lapse in conversation. For some reason that night i was talking to this guy who wouldn't leave me alone. So I'm relieved when i thought i saw a familiar face to save me. It turns out to be this guy i had met a couple months earlier. Now i have to kinda sidetrack for this story, the way we met was to awesome to not include. The first night i met him i was alone as usual and smoking on the outdoor patio. I noticed him cruising me thru the windows that face the patio, he was playing pool and ridiculously drunk. He had tattooed sleeves and a very "fuck you attitude" which is usually a turn-off to me but it just worked on him, the boy wore it well. i was digging the entire package. Now this guy that was also outside smoking kinda saw me looking in at him and motioned for me to come over. Always hesitant of random guys creeping in dark corners of gay bars spreading rumors, i nod and stay where i am. I had a feeling he was going to say something about him, and honestly i didn't care. After a second glance his way he gives up on the idea of me coming to him and simply puts his hands out palm to palm about a foot apart. I kinda laugh and realize he's trying to tell me he has a big dick. Almost a couple of seconds later he comes outside with a camel sticking out of his mouth. For some reason when guys can smoke without taking the cigarette from their mouth i instantly want to fuck them. I could feel it in my stomach, he was gonna speak. I look up to acknowledge i see him before he says a word. He asks if i play pool and i say i haven't drank enough to play good. With a half-smile he asks what I'm drinking and turns to the bar to get my stoli tonic. I stand there nervous about having to play pool when his friend he came with starts talking to me. He then tells me they met thru his best friend who happens to be the hot guys boyfriend. So maybe this one is my fault since i knew before hand. They are in a relationship he goes on to tell me but are allowed to fuck around. We both agree that neither of us could ever be in a situation like that but he says they have made it work and have done so for quite sometime. At that point he had returned with my drink and i was starting to feel one up on him. Not only did i know he had a boyfriend but his boyfriends best friend was sitting right there. I take a gulp of the drink and start to feel a little more confident in playing him. He looks over at me and asks what he gets if he wins, he says if he wins i have to show him my dick. I instantly say no and kinda laugh. Walking around the pool table to my side he leans in close and says OK, how about if i win i get to take you out next week and if you win I'll show you my dick... he cocks his head to one side and says but i still wanna take you out next week. I had to laugh at his eagerness to show the entire bar his dick and id be lying if i said i wasn't dying to see if the creepy guy was lying or not. 2 vodka tonics later i had surprised both of us and actually won. As promised i was flashed some dick and the creepy guy was wrong, it was bigger, well at least thicker than i imagined. ha ha. He never did take me out but in all fairness i guess i should finish the rest of the story. I'm sure you'll understand why we didn't.

So back to last Monday. I see him and he approaches me with the same drunken cockiness i still found hot. I wasn't that drunk maybe 2 drinks into the night. He asks me how I've been and why i haven't called him. I say i i took his number out of my phone cause he never called. He laughs pulls out his phone and calls my number, there now you have it again he says. I ask how he's been, he bitches about work as do i. Then the conversation turns to our phantom date. I have to admit i kinda wondered why he hadn't called me. We both live in the same hood and he was obviously into me. He starts talking about how fucked up i was the last time he saw me. I reply back about how i kinda remember kicking his ass at not only pool but a game of pinball. He laughs and said no the other time. This is the point where i usually start to get worried. What time? i hesitantly ask. He said i would have left with you guys but i don't do that shit anymore and he's not really my type. I'm sure the look of confusion on my face was the reason for his huge smile.......Fuck guys i have to go home. The train is waiting. i swear i will finish up tomorrow. not much of it left. I'm tired....last night was a complete waste of energy and time. Didn't get much sleep so I'm hoping i don't get the itch to go out tonight. Promise i will post tomorrow. Till then.

learn to forget

i finally got around to finding a tape recorder today. I'm gonna try to carry it everywhere with me. Just this morning i had this whole dialogue in my head that i tried to repeat over and over to myself on the train but i had two cocktails at lunch and the thoughts just seemed to seep out from my ears as soon as the martini's found their way into my bloodstream. It was pretty much about my evening which was clouded over by its own set of drinks and smoke, but I'll get to that later.

This past Sunday was long beach pride an event i was actually really looking forward to despite how lame it was last year. The difference being it was a bit more planned this year and Jennifer Hudson was there. I'm not a big fan but i had someone recently read the words to the dreamgirls song "and I'm telling you I'm not going" and it really took on a whole different meaning. I really like the song although i have yet to see the movie or hear the musical or soundtrack. The event itself was really crowded. If you know me, and by that if you've been around me while I'm really drunk you know i don't react well to large crowds. See, I'm a bit claustrophobic only when i drink it tends to come out slightly more aggressively. I tend to try and start fights and flip people off that are in my way or being kinda rude about letting people pass by. I actually took all that into consideration and decided not to drink to much until after the event when we went to a bar.

The day started out with lunch with my good friend Patricia then we walked over to pride and met up with a couple other friends. All and all i had a great time...which was completely unexpected. We drank more than we intended to which wasn't a bad thing only they only had Bacardi drinks. Who the fuck drinks rum anyways? After the first two i was loving it.....not to hot, kinda overcast. Yes the crowd was a bit overwhelming but i was happy they were there anyways. I have never in my life felt so gay and even texted my roomie to say it. It was during amber's performance(ha ha) when the crowd was really starting to feel it. The was a slight mist in the air, a semi-sprinkle, everywhere you turned there were fags, thousands of them. There was just this sense of freedom that i don't get at many gay clubs, despite that being their point, at least that's what i always thought of as the reason people went to them. I never really was into gay clubs growing up and to this day still don't attend many, bars are a different story. It was just that there was no fear of being judged for any actions on that piece of land. There was, for a short period in time no such thing as to "gay". ha ha. So we danced and sang along to the theme song from studio 54 and i had to laugh and recognize the awesomeness of the situation.

Afterwards we went to a lesbian bar to try and help my friend get herself laid. That didn't happen but i did manage to meet a guy despite the fact we were in a empty lesbian club. Who knows what'll happen there but I'll keep you all posted. The whole experience made me really miss long beach and my friends there but at the same time reconfirmed that i very much wanna stay in Hollywood. Just not sure i can afford it. Well I'm actually on my way out so i will get to last night tomorrow when i post. It's a funny story that makes me feel like my life isn't real. All the things that happen around me are like bombs exploding. I have no control of the outcome, I'm just walking thru a minefield waiting an the explosion to happen, hand clenched into fists, body ready for impact, just waiting for any sign of actual feeling. Sometimes i have to be punched in the face to realize i can be hurt. I often forget.

i will never see your misery

So truthfully i haven't made much progress in any actual writing. I mean i have written stuff but nothing that is connecting. Problem is i get these great ideas when I'm stoned or drunk. ha ha. So i decided to invest in a small tape voice recorder. This should be interesting not only to be able to capture exactly what I'm thinking but to hear some of my drunken ideas. Sometimes it almost seems as if my hand, when i write, can't quite keep up with my thoughts. I think to quickly so when i write something I'm already onto the next thought, confusing me, and making me forget what i was thinking in the first place. I'm sure I'll get endless hours of enjoyment out of this little piece of machinery. Can't wait going to staples after work. I had kind of an interesting conversation with a friend of mine this weekend and just wished to god i had one. I can't remember anything specific about the points i was making. We were both just discussing our disappointment in gay culture which is alot of what I'm writing is about. Not disappointment exactly but more like displacement. Maybe that's not even the right word cause that kinda gives the impression that it was once a place i felt apart of.

In other news, i never really went into all of last weeks antics. I met this guy.......yes online. It wasn't really anything at first besides a little distraction from work, a light fluffing of the ego, but the more i got to talking with him the more i became interested. There was always the flirting back and forth, but never an invitation to meet nor did there seem to be an ulterior motives. So it seemed fine when we both kinda joked around, having no plans on a Friday night that we should get drunk and mess around. We just threw a couple ideas around(i.e bars, clubs, his place) until he got really quiet and asked if i was serious, if i seriously wanted to meet him. I said of course, why wouldn't i, we've been talking for awhile, you seem relatively intelligent, i think your hot, you think I'm hot, let's just see what happens. He didn't answer right away so i said if that day was bad we could meet up another day. He replied back a couple minutes later that today was fine. He just had to tell me something first. I let out a sigh convinced the next thing i read was gonna be that he had a boyfriend(the pattern was starting to sicken me). After a little more talking he told me that he was HIV+ and has been for 5 years.(that he's known) He apologized for not having told me earlier, but I completely understood because i don't think either of us was really taking the flirty messages to seriously. Honestly I'm glad he didn't tell me right off the bat, i might have never taken the time to really get to know his personality in the same way or without putting up a wall or two.

Long story short against my better judgement i agree and say it doesn't bother me. Did it really bother me? i can't be sure. I know i was apprehensive about the whole thing. I consider myself to be pretty educated in the whole HIV/AIDS department but no amount of knowledge can take away the unease you feel when you are made aware of someone status, especially in situations like this. When you kinda start enjoying the others conversation and want to invest some time in getting to know them. I brushed the feeling aside, i mean i didn't wanna be the asshole that can't deal with a simple piece of information that may not even be relevant to our relationship(if we even get that far). So we agreed to meet up at his house. i suggested a bar which he quickly shot down. I was forgetting he was 44 and probably slightly anti-social. I took the red line to his place sweating the entire way up there. I mean the guy was gorgeous, i wasn't sure I'd trust myself to make clear decisions after a couple of drinks. Luckily he wasn't a big drinker. We had a couple of cocktails, enough to calm my nerves and start letting conversation flow a little more freely. I told him about my story I'm working on and how the main character will contract HIV about midway thru(i think), and how he deals or actually doesn't deal with it. The funny thing was this guys story, well his life, mirrored that of my characters. Not to the T but it was close enough to really get me interested in hearing every word that came out of his mouth. I stopped seeing him as someone with HIV and more like someone close to me, someone i understood because alot of the main character is built around me, and how i deal with things or a guess at how i would. After another drink things just started flowing easily. All we did was make out, which was really nice(ha ha). All and all he was a awesome guy, well-spoken, open, and most importantly unafraid of himself, his body, and his disease. he's allowed the position he's been put in springboard him into redefining himself, on his own terms, his own ideas of whats right and wrong. We should all be so lucky. So i haven't seen him since. We have texted and spoke one the phone....we both are kinda busy so we have yet to make any concrete plans to meet again, but i would actually really enjoy getting to hang with him again. I'll keep you posted.

text vs. romance

Been a minute since i posted something new so here goes. Last week was kinda strange. Well not exactly but it was definitely one for the books. So after the big cinco de mayo let down i was kinda broke...again. So i was kinda worried when this guy that i used to really like called and said he would be in LA for a visit and wanted to make a stop and visit me. Innocent enough. The thing is....i really really liked this guy. So the news was good but i was also a little concerned about shooting myself in the foot but opening myself up to this man again. We were only able to get to know each other shortly before he and I moved. We continued to keep in contact(and still do) after he left and actually got closer. Around the same time he moved, i moved to silverlake. We both kinda got comfortable in the dynamic of our relationship for whatever reasons. Maybe he was just lonely, maybe i needed to find something to settle me down, either way things were OK in the beginning.

Now after about a month of living there i found that a strange thing was happening. I start to notice on a daily basis that i was getting cruised. Now i had come from a little city just outside of long beach and about 30 minutes outside of Hollywood.....slim pickins' for sure. I mean i wasn't celibate but my sexual relationships were mostly with local married guys i met online. It was a bit overwhelming, not only getting cruised like a motherfucker but moving across the street from a leather bar(a fetish that has always kinda peaked my interest). Overwhelmed is actually a good word, i felt it. All of a sudden there are lots of men that want to sleep with me and who am i to say no.(especially after a couple of cocktails) All of this was fine, i assumed, because we had no rules. Although all i really wanted him to do was ask me not to sleep with anyone. That's all he had to do and i at least would have given it my best shot. Well after awhile i started feeling guilty, i wasn't exactly lying but i wasn't exactly being truthful. So i tested the waters. I told him about this guy who i had been talking to on myspace from new york who was coming out to DJ a club and was gonna crash at our place. We ended up hooking up so i decided to tell him about it. Only because that time it was a bit more than just a nameless, faceless hookup.

Needless to say he didn't take it well and i completely understood. After that things just went up and down. Sometimes we'd talk everyday and sometimes i wouldn't hear from him for weeks. So that takes us to now and exactly what we are today. Which honestly confuses me. We decided on dinner Tuesday night since he was only in town for 3 days. To start off with the fool brings me flowers. Seriously he shows up at my door with flowers. Normally something like that would be funny to me, an impersonation of what a date should be, but i know with him it's genuine. I tried not to notice how he was so much hotter than i remembered. We went to some Italian place around the corner from my place. Had alot of wine, good food, and a pretty amazing conversation. This was the same night as the Griffith park fire so afterwards we just walked down sunset watching the fire get bigger and bigger. There were people all along the street, taking pictures, walking, and just stopping to watch the hills....it was kinda romantic in a post apocalyptic kinda way.

We ended up going back to his hotel and smoking a couple of bowls and watching the news. No sex....just fell asleep next to each other. I was kinda sad about it but half way through the night(i couldn't sleep) i just kept looking at him and decided that i was just gonna look at this way: You see, i felt so strongly about this man after knowing him for only a short time so whenever i thought about it a small part of me wasn't even sure that there had been anything to begin with. Was it the beginnings of something great or just the cocktails we had? Had there really been any sorta spark there or did i imagine it?. Him coming back gave me a chance to realize i hadn't imagined anything and it was obvious that it was still very much there. Only now we were both to guarded to let anything stupid happen. All and all I'm pleased with the visit and even made some loose promises about going up to see him possibly but we've made these promises before so no ones holding their breath I'm sure. It sounds stupid but i kinda feel like this was the closest I've felt to whatever that whole "love" thing is. I know it wasn't actual love but it was something different than I'd felt before then. i kinda walk around with this idea that when you meet the one you'll know. Clouds will part, harps will start playing...all that bullshit, but this whole experience has made me think that maybe just maybe you can learn to love someone after time. The whole idea is extremely unappealing to me right now anyways, but definitely given me something to think about and hope for. i have some more stories but this one took up alot of space so I'll post something tomorrow. peace.

you should see yourself the way i see you

Although this weekend wasn't as action packed as i wanted it to be, it actually turned out OK. The thing with the guy with a boyfriend turned out OK, he's a really nice guy and someone I'd actually consider dating if he was single(ha ha)but i guess we'll just have to settle on being friends with sexual tension. Cinco de mayo was kind of a bust, didn't end up seeing kinky or having dinner. Ended up at a straight bar in echo park, not bad but not my thing. Then Sunday i just pretty much layed around the house all day. One interesting thing that happened yesterday...well 2. ok the first is just kinda funny.

So yesterday I'm walking to the 99 cent store to get some water. As I'm crossing onto sunset i see this semi-cute middle aged guy kinda looking at me. I look back cause he was at least semi-cute from the curb. So i look back at him as i cross the street and smile.....kinda like goodbye. Innocent enough right? Wrong. As i continue up the street i turn around for a second and see his car following behind me. For some reason(i have no idea why....seeing as how this has happened before) i get freaked out so i just casually walk into a coffee shop on my right. I wait a couple of seconds till i see him turn the corner the coffee shop is on and walk back towards the 99 cent store. As soon i i stop at the crosswalk i see him flipping a bitch and coming back towards me. This time he spots me and makes a right back onto sunset and is again behind me. I try walking slow and see him pass me and turn at the next street. Part of me wants to think he got the point but the other half says cross the street. Guess which half i listened to? Well when i finally get to the corner he's there....stopped. He looks up at me as i cross the street and nods again. I nod back and kinda laugh at the weirdness of the situation and at the fact the he isn't really finding this weird. Once i get to the same side of street he's on the fool seriously stares me down leans over and opens his car door.

Now at closer inspection, he was kinda not bad looking. Why i didn't get in that car and have sex with him i can't be sure. All i do know is that it kinda bothered me that he would look at me from across the street and read my nod and smile as a green flag that i wanna fuck. What exactly am i putting out there that says I'm a whore. Its not that i am upset about coming off that way but more that I'm intrigued by the fact that i unintentionally put that vibe out there. That guys can tell i would or at least consider it. Thank god i wasn't drunk.

So other funny thing that happened is i stumbled across some old journals of mine. Page after page of angsty teen poetry. Embarrassing. I found two books neither of which were filled just random lines and short poems scribbled throughout them. Some were not as bad as others, alot of them (gulp) rhymed. So i figured I'd share a couple just for laughs. Keep in mind i was a very undersexed teen. I mean i got laid but if you know me now compared to then......i think i had the same sex drive just a different body. It's weird to read some of this stuff and try to pinpoint what events or people triggered these. Whats even weirder is to not even recognize yourself, maybe i hadn't figured that out yet...wait i still haven't. Whatever. Don't laugh.

Over my head

we are nothing more than this-
separate energies.
The sparks,
you thought,
you threw at me.
Remain to be unseen.


Let's run

I can run a mile or two-but get dizzy on my feet.
I can try to keep up with you-if you would wait for me.

I can chase your phantom heart-I'll remain unseen.
I'll let you come inside or me-infect me with disease.

I will take you all-in stride
I'll let you fill my space.
I'll play the roles you want me to
and let you have your way.

Now all i want from you is this-to feel your energy.
To run my hands along your sides-and fuck with symmetry.


California son

We count the cracks beneath our feet,
and hold hands in the sun.
Another day along the coast,
A perfect place for love.

How summer makes the heart light
and how soon i forget.
That love and glass-
two fragile things,
can pose the biggest threat.

We count on stars above our heads,
my California son.
We will never stay afloat,
when we're made to come undone.

If everything that's whole-will break.
Perfection will collapse.
So i let you do these things to me, and try to not react.




Ha ha. so that's all for now. I'll post more later. Back to work.

everybody wants to come over to my house

So last night was the show. I can only describe it as fucken amazing. The venue itself was really really(and i hope you get my point) small. Possibly the smallest place Ive ever been to see a band play. Including me, the band members, and the staff there was maybe 15 people. Perfect atmosphere for an anti-social person like myself to see a new band. The songs were played on a violin, an electric guitar and an acoustic guitar, so it provided for an interesting sound...no bass no drums. I think it really helped the mood of the evening.

They of course played my song San Fransisco which sounded sooo much better live. I was seriously sitting about 3 feet away from the lead singer who sat on the edge of the tiny stage that was so filled with equipment the whole band couldn't fit on it. When she started singing a song she was was partly an Afghan folk song i knew i was in love with them. Each song was seriously more beautiful then the last. And they ended with the perfect one. A new song they've been working on called kiss me in the moonlight. Loved it.

I also scored a cd with the 4 songs they've recorded thus far. During the show they mentioned that it was actually their final show before heading over to Afghanistan to record the new album. Hopefully this means they've found a record deal and I'll be able to get the new stuff soon. All and all it was the perfect start to the weekend and one of those night that made me question my upcoming move. It is so cool to be able to(if i want) walk down the street and see an amazing band play in a ridiculously small venue frequented by their friends and neighbors. I will miss that if i end up leaving LA.

Also slight change of plans for the weekend. I just found out that kinky is playing a show at the 3rd street promenade Saturday morning at the helio store cause it's cinco de mayo. Needless to say I'm more than excited to see them than anything else this weekend. Later on that night i guess we're going to avaland to check out a pretty decent house lineup, imcluding julias papp and marques wyatt. I haven't gone to a house event in god knows how long but I'm mainly going to see miguel miggs, not only cause i like him but lisa shaw is singing with him. If you guys are fans of house or soul music and don't know lisa shaw you should check out her myspace at the least. Very cool stuff as is most of the naked label. So thats it for now, I'll post and let you all know how it was. I'll leave you with my favorite kinky song. I hope the play it.

Kinky-Presidente

at night my dreams they shake me awake

This week has been pretty uneventful following Sunday and Mondays debauchery. Basically i was broke since Sunday so i haven't really had much of a chance to do anything. I do however, get paid tomorrow and despite my rent and phone bill, plan to try and make my money last.(yeah right!) The upcoming weekend actually looks pretty promising.



Starting tonight, This band I've been meaning to catch, lion of panjshir is playing a free show tonight(fucken perfect). And in a venue that only sells beer...even more perfect. So me and my trusty flask will be down at the hyperion tavern(1941 hyperion avenue) at 9pm if anyone reading is interested. Listen to the song San Fransisco and i dare you not to love it. They are promising an almost acoustic, strings only set, so I'm rather excited. I don't do enough things alone and i think this past weekend has brought me new confidence in my ability to not only handle but enjoy stillness and quiet. incase myspace is fucked up you can listen to it here too. Lion of panjshir-San Fransisco MP3

Then Friday i'm supposed to meet up with some guy i have recently been chatting with a bit. I'm actually pretty excited about meeting him even though he has a boyfriend. I know sucky right? We seem to have alot in common and I'm really gonna try and respect his boundaries, but only if he respects them himself....otherwise all bets are off.(just kidding, i swear) The thing is he's a writer and has a really interesting story. So we'll see how it goes. I'm honestly not expecting anything other than meeting a cool like-minded guy. Seriously, this time.

Saturday is cinco de fucken mayo bitches. I know if you know me and zandra then you know all our cinco de mayo celebrations. This year without our trusty city of Long Beach we're gonna settle for dinner and margaritas at a Mexican place nearby and safari smas later that night. Should be fun although the OG plan was to go to Alvera street and eat churros(I'll survive). As far as things with the story go i have made little progress this week actually. Spent most of the week letting my body heal, so that left very little time for actual thinking. I'm gonna try and get something accomplished this Sunday and post something up next week. Either way you'll hear something soon.

to live and die in LA

so this weekend brought me alot of alone time. With my room mate at coachella for 5 days i really had a chance to kinda re-think some of the story line. I kinda made a start or rather wrote what i assume will eventually be the beginning of the story. The main character is still unnamed and for the most part undeveloped. I'm getting really excited to see how this story unfolds. I'm notorious for starting things and not finishing but this one feels a little different. This time around I'm really trying to write what i know most about. I always say "when your on a date or speaking to someone your into you should always try to talk about something you know alot about that way there are fewer moments of awkward silence". I guess i should apply the same rule to writing. This is my first time writing a story kinda based on my own experiences so it's really weird to re-live some of these moments and look at it from a different angle. We'll just say i'll be pulling from some moments i'm not so proud of. I just feel like i have this story to tell....not cause i think people need to hear it but rather just as a way make sense of my mistakes. A way to own up to all the bad decisions and hopefully look at myself as someone completely new.

I swear I'll start posting some stuff once i feel better about it. Usually when i write ill write out a couple of pages then go back line by line and reword things. So it can take some time before I'm kinda content with the way it sounds. Lots of new material to write about. This weekend was kinda crazy. I met this guy who i have met before but because i hooked up with his boyfriend awhile back(they have an open relationship so no negative feelings)we haven't really ever talked. This time around his boyfriend left the bar early, i think he was too fucked up, and we had a chance to talk. Turns out he's actually really cool, actually alot cooler than his boyfriend. ha ha. We ended up fooling around a bit but not really having sex, which was fine, only we drank and consumed so much shit i really thought i might die. To top it off the next night when my room mate got home we decided to go out. Basically i did the same amount if chemicals as the previous night and basically blacked out. I heard stories of my puking in the parking lot of the echo but cant seem to clearly recall anything before the car ride. Either way i had an awesome time. Definitely one of the nights where i felt the city around me. Almost as if LA was the 4th person with us, providing the momentum for the evening. I sometimes get these moments where i feel like what is happening in that second couldn't happen anywhere else in the world and it makes me appreciate what we have here. I want to capture what it's like to be here in this point in time. Living with this certain set of rules that wont apply in 5 years time or in another environment. I want to get across the duality of the city. How sometimes the things that hurt you can be the things that remind you you're alive. "Anything that may delay you...might just save you". We're in a city that is so unlike any other place, that not really being either good or bad. It just is.

no mercy, no pleasure, no sin

yesterday(since the gas company needed to come out a read the meter) i decided to take a day off work and putz around the city. Allegedly ending up at amoeba around 630-700 to catch !!! play a free show. Long story short after a haircut, 2 loads of laundry, and 3 11$ martinis i finally managed to make it over to amoeba just in time for them to start. Now I'm not the biggest !!! fan and i have to admit i mostly went cause I'm missing out on coachella this year. They were great live and whether it was the stoli swimming in my gut or the energy of the band i can't be sure but i actually danced a little. Craziness. That was really just a set up for my real point. While there i was thumbing thru cd's looking for an artist called trost cause its the only album i could think of that i have been wanting for awhile. Needless to say i didn't find it(crazy German bitches, love it). After watching a little more of the show i decide to take off early cause i still wanted to get home and sleep before i headed out for the night. I look back and see the tag for CLIENT. So i take a look thinking maybe i could score the new single when low and behold the entire new album sat in front of me. I have seriously been waiting for this album forever and fuck me its only 13$. I ran home smoked a bowl and put the album on while i cleaned the house.

The album itself is just pretty much straight foward synth pop only really dark(think depeche mode being 3 chicks and your kinda close but not entirely). I seriously listened to it twice. Stand out tracks being Someone to hurt, 6 in the morning, and lights go out although the whole album is awesome. I know for a fact this album will play a big part in what I'm currently writing. One of the songs has given birth to another charchter. When i first heard 6 in the morning it reminded me of someone i had hooked up with but when we tried to actually go out on a "date"..... lets just i was hoping he was something he wasn't. Then that got me thinking of the whole world of sexual politics between gay men. And how we just sorta follow them, play these roles in bed that is not really reflective of who we are. Now that may be all fine and healthy but ultimately if you plan on doing anything outside of sex you have this totally false assumption on what that person will be like. Then you realize your just as bad as the guys who play those roles cause you believe and fall for the hypermasculine stereotypes they perpetuate. Well this characters job is to fuck with the line between feminine and masculine. Haven't thought of a name for him yet but I'll say this much. His fetish is to get guys that are strict tops to bottom out for him. You see the only thing guys with big dicks like more then fucking other guys with big dicks is to get fucked by a guy with an even bigger dick. This is a fact. ha ha. well maybe not but in my story(fantasies...ha ha) it is. So anyways, I'll leave you with a Client video. I was looking for 6 in the morning but i found lights go out which is equally as sexy and I'm sure I'll get a couple of lines from.

Client-Lights go out