i finally got around to finding a tape recorder today. I'm gonna try to carry it everywhere with me. Just this morning i had this whole dialogue in my head that i tried to repeat over and over to myself on the train but i had two cocktails at lunch and the thoughts just seemed to seep out from my ears as soon as the martini's found their way into my bloodstream. It was pretty much about my evening which was clouded over by its own set of drinks and smoke, but I'll get to that later.
This past Sunday was long beach pride an event i was actually really looking forward to despite how lame it was last year. The difference being it was a bit more planned this year and Jennifer Hudson was there. I'm not a big fan but i had someone recently read the words to the dreamgirls song "and I'm telling you I'm not going" and it really took on a whole different meaning. I really like the song although i have yet to see the movie or hear the musical or soundtrack. The event itself was really crowded. If you know me, and by that if you've been around me while I'm really drunk you know i don't react well to large crowds. See, I'm a bit claustrophobic only when i drink it tends to come out slightly more aggressively. I tend to try and start fights and flip people off that are in my way or being kinda rude about letting people pass by. I actually took all that into consideration and decided not to drink to much until after the event when we went to a bar.
The day started out with lunch with my good friend Patricia then we walked over to pride and met up with a couple other friends. All and all i had a great time...which was completely unexpected. We drank more than we intended to which wasn't a bad thing only they only had Bacardi drinks. Who the fuck drinks rum anyways? After the first two i was loving it.....not to hot, kinda overcast. Yes the crowd was a bit overwhelming but i was happy they were there anyways. I have never in my life felt so gay and even texted my roomie to say it. It was during amber's performance(ha ha) when the crowd was really starting to feel it. The was a slight mist in the air, a semi-sprinkle, everywhere you turned there were fags, thousands of them. There was just this sense of freedom that i don't get at many gay clubs, despite that being their point, at least that's what i always thought of as the reason people went to them. I never really was into gay clubs growing up and to this day still don't attend many, bars are a different story. It was just that there was no fear of being judged for any actions on that piece of land. There was, for a short period in time no such thing as to "gay". ha ha. So we danced and sang along to the theme song from studio 54 and i had to laugh and recognize the awesomeness of the situation.
This past Sunday was long beach pride an event i was actually really looking forward to despite how lame it was last year. The difference being it was a bit more planned this year and Jennifer Hudson was there. I'm not a big fan but i had someone recently read the words to the dreamgirls song "and I'm telling you I'm not going" and it really took on a whole different meaning. I really like the song although i have yet to see the movie or hear the musical or soundtrack. The event itself was really crowded. If you know me, and by that if you've been around me while I'm really drunk you know i don't react well to large crowds. See, I'm a bit claustrophobic only when i drink it tends to come out slightly more aggressively. I tend to try and start fights and flip people off that are in my way or being kinda rude about letting people pass by. I actually took all that into consideration and decided not to drink to much until after the event when we went to a bar.
The day started out with lunch with my good friend Patricia then we walked over to pride and met up with a couple other friends. All and all i had a great time...which was completely unexpected. We drank more than we intended to which wasn't a bad thing only they only had Bacardi drinks. Who the fuck drinks rum anyways? After the first two i was loving it.....not to hot, kinda overcast. Yes the crowd was a bit overwhelming but i was happy they were there anyways. I have never in my life felt so gay and even texted my roomie to say it. It was during amber's performance(ha ha) when the crowd was really starting to feel it. The was a slight mist in the air, a semi-sprinkle, everywhere you turned there were fags, thousands of them. There was just this sense of freedom that i don't get at many gay clubs, despite that being their point, at least that's what i always thought of as the reason people went to them. I never really was into gay clubs growing up and to this day still don't attend many, bars are a different story. It was just that there was no fear of being judged for any actions on that piece of land. There was, for a short period in time no such thing as to "gay". ha ha. So we danced and sang along to the theme song from studio 54 and i had to laugh and recognize the awesomeness of the situation.
Afterwards we went to a lesbian bar to try and help my friend get herself laid. That didn't happen but i did manage to meet a guy despite the fact we were in a empty lesbian club. Who knows what'll happen there but I'll keep you all posted. The whole experience made me really miss long beach and my friends there but at the same time reconfirmed that i very much wanna stay in Hollywood. Just not sure i can afford it. Well I'm actually on my way out so i will get to last night tomorrow when i post. It's a funny story that makes me feel like my life isn't real. All the things that happen around me are like bombs exploding. I have no control of the outcome, I'm just walking thru a minefield waiting an the explosion to happen, hand clenched into fists, body ready for impact, just waiting for any sign of actual feeling. Sometimes i have to be punched in the face to realize i can be hurt. I often forget.
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